Ok, now here's a gift for the outdoorsman who truly has everything. It's the "Disposable Body Stapler Kit!" That's right, if you get lost in the woods with Floyd and try to get found by shooting arrows into the air every 3 seconds and at some point you miss and shoot Floyd instead, you now have the kit to make it better! I found this item while perusing the latest catalog of my favorite outfitter and you can also find it by searching online. And yes, that is a photo of an actual arrow wound that has been stapled shut.

It reminds me of a joke that Toby likes to tell. Floyd and Bob (yes, the same two that got lost in the woods) go out hunting again. This time they go prepared with rifles and satellite phones so they don't have the same problem again if they get lost. Bob is on the other side of camp taking care of business when he hears this horrible roaring, howling and screaming. Bob hurriedly finishes his business and races to the other side of camp where he finds Floyd being mauled by a bear. In a panic Bob fires his rifle into the air and the bear runs off (that's r-u-n-n-o-f-t) and leaves Floyd a bleeding mess. Bob, being prepared this time, grabs his satellite phone and dials 9-1-1. The operator comes on and Bob screams "help, help, my friend Floyd has been attacked by a bear and I think he's dead!" The operator attempts to calm Bob down and asks him to go back and check on Floyd, make sure he really is dead and then come back and report on his condition. Bob says a tearful "oookkk" and puts down the phone. The operator then hears a loud "BANG" on the line and shortly thereafter Bob comes back on the line and says "ok, now what?"